12 July 2008

Mrs Ples was actually a Hobbit

I am a firm believer in evolution. How could I not be when there are real, live, walking & talking examples tormenting every moment of my working day? Eureka moment! I work in a museum where the exhibits are capable of re-animation.

Yes the missing links do have a hyoid bone and are thus able to vocalise - albeit in simple, clumsily constructed sentences. They do occasionally adopt an erect stance (when not seated - which is most of the time). Ambulation is laboured and appears to be somewhat painful, but may gather speed under certain rare circumstances.

As cruel fate would have it, one of my regular helpers is a direct descendant of Mrs Ples. I have come to learn that there is a fine line between helping & hindering. Sr Ples (RN) is virtually a genetic duplicate of her predecessor : Mrs Ples in her purest form. In fact, this limb of hominids (ouch, it hurts to admit kinship!) remains uninfluenced by hybrid vigour or evolutionary changes. Since more intelligent branches have been unable to bring themselves to integrate, I suspect an overwhelming amount of inbreeding and as a result, we have Sr Ples (Mrs Ples to the nth power) hindering me today.

What palaeontologists may not know by studying their artefacts, but I am privy to with my living example, is that Mrs Ples, by intuitive observational deduction, was a Hobbit. A Hobbit, yes, a Hobbit!

"They enjoy at least seven meals a day, not including snacks, when they can get them - breakfast, (arguably) second breakfast, elevenses, luncheon, tea, dinner and later, supper."
Since language is limited, all these meals are clustered together under one guise as "tea". When situations get tough - when a patient starts bleeding, or when the doctors start shouting orders, it coincides with Sr Ples having a sudden desire for a "snack". Before one gets angry, one is quickly reminded that Sr Ples suffers from Diabetes & is in urgent need of a "snack" lest her blood-sugar levels drop below 20mmol/l.

Post-script :
1. What Tolkien didn't know is, there are even more meals. Another meal (main, not snack) is consumed over an hour at around 3am. This meal is strangely referred to as "lunch".
2. The nurses tearoom will be hereafter be referred to as "Hobbiton"
3. Sr Ples is rotund.
4. Sr Ples has painful joints.
5. Sr Ples sleeps a lot.
6. Sr Ples believes that her Diabetes improves with snacks, whereas studies have shown weightloss to be beneficial. Brilliant example of a positive feedback loop.

4 comments:

Bongi said...

This is so clearly south african, i couldn't help laughing. Does your sr pleth also eat chicken legs at 'tea time'?

bruce said...

Brilliant , middle earth that can be the only explaination for the happenings which clearly dont apply to the real world . The chickens are legless and the goats have no heads - a Gary Larson of Bloggs - I know this place

ÆListair said...

Well at least she isn't taking a 1-1:30pm dagga/alchohol break as well... You might want to check that, you may find legal reason to eleviate your agony.

Dr Skakhi said...

You know Sr Ples too? That is SO her! Chicken legs. And dried snoek pieces, the grease and stench of which ends up on me via the theatre telephone handset. Worms are to you what smells are to me!

Middle Earth - I like that. Would that make Zimbabwe Lower Earth or Far Side? I really miss Gary Larson.

Alcohol & dagga! Should check - knew a "doctor" like that once in Community Slavice.