23 January 2009

Pressures & Pulsations

It all transpired on a burns list. Dr Esmeralda* sought her consultant's advice on a patient who had extensive injuries. She was unsure as to how she would record the patient's blood pressure during the procedure, since both arms & both legs were unspared of what was no doubt the result of another shack fire, or paraffin-revenge of a lover scorned. Her solution would be to put in a radial arterial line, but fixing it in position was once again a problem.

Glancing at the extent of the patient's burns, the Consultant said, "Don't bother with an A-line, just use a BP cuff & put it over the dorsalis pedis artery".
Esmeralda exclaimed, "Oh, can one take a BP there? Amazing, I didn't know."
Consultant, "Of course, one can take a BP anywhere an artery can be circumferentially occluded. It might not work, but at least give it a try. If the cuff fails, then you can always cannulate the artery."

A while later, a mexican wave of raucous laughter had reached the anaesthetics tearoom. The consultant wanted to know what was going on, but he was told to go & look in burns theatre for himself - there was a Darwin Award Nominee at work!

Hanging in the doorframe, Consultant asked if everything was OK.
Esmeralda replied, "I am absolutely amazed! It is working like a charm. It took a while to find the right sized BP cuff, so we are a bit behind schedule, but we are getting beautiful systolic readings. It just doesn't seem to register a diastolic though..."

The Consultant was a little confused. "What size BP cuff did you use? Why a neonatal BP cuff?" when the penny dropped, "Not the dorsalis penis artery, you idiot, dorsalis pedis".

I shudder to think, had there been no systolic reading, how & what she would have done to that poor patient in order to "cannulate the artery".

Esmeralda didn't leave too much longer after that incident. Apparently, she had developed quite a reputation in the city. It wasn't so much her professional- as her social reputation which was to be the deciding factor. Ironically both concerned an organ which apparently doesn't have a diastolic blood pressure.

*apt pseudonym (if you knew her history)


Bongi said...

reminds me of

Jade said...

Hahaha. . .lol!!!

enrico said...

Awesome story, though I wonder how many people nowadays will even get the Esmeralda reference...

However, as hilarious as Bongi's story is above, it's this one of his that I thought of immediately.

Anonymous said...

One evening wow gold a man was world of warcraft power leveling at home watching TV and world of warcraft power leveling eating peanuts. He'd toss them in the air,flyff power leveling then catch them in his mouth.maplestory power leveling In the middle 2moons dil of catching one,Wow Power Leveling his wife asked a question, and as he turned to answer her,lineage 2 adena a peanut fell in his ear. He tried and tried to dig it out but only world of warcraft gold succeeded in pushing it in deeper. He asked his wife for assistance, and after hours of trying they flyff money became worried power leveling and decided to go archlord gold to hospital. As they were ready 2moons power leveling to go out the door,last chaos money their daughter came home last chaos money with her date.wow power leveling

Anonymous said...

Now hold the breast and move them cosmetic surgery clockwise and anti clockwise.